Greetings, everybody. So, for those of you who don't know, I've been working on....well, what I can best describe as a "soap opera parody" known as Tales of Misfortune, which is what I chose to name this blog. And, well, it's far from complete. Haha. But I figured I would share the first part of the script with you. So hopefully it doesn't suck.
Tales of Misfortune!!!
Part One: The Only Thing Better Than a Fish Is A School of Fish
Scene: Ron decides to talk to his father, Steven, about a problem. Flashback!!!
Ron: Hey dad.
Steven: Who the he*% are you?
R: Your son, Ron. You know, the kid who came out of YOUR WIFE!!!
S: Oh, I remember. Here’s 10 dollars for staying out of sight. *hands over money*
R: Well, I appreciate it, dad, but I don’t want your money.
S: And they call me the alcoholic.
R: You know, this is why I don’t ever talk to you! All you care about is beer and women!
S: Now son, that statement is about 73% true. I also care about the starving children in Macedonia and NASCAR.
R: Ok, whatever dude. So, can I talk to you or what?
S: Well, all you had to do was ask! Grab a beer and sit down.
R: Dad, I’m 7.
S: It’s never too early to try something new, Ronnie! Now, what’s the dilly-o?
R: Dad, you’re not a gangster. You work on a farm. You drive a tractor everywhere. Our yard is covered in vegetables!!!
S: Always have to criticize me, don’tcha, kid?!
R: OK, FINE!!!! I’m sorry. Anyways, there’s this kid at school who always picks on me and bullies me around.
S: *cuts him off* Shoot him.
S: Oh, come on! Like you weren’t thinking the same thing! You see, when I was your age, I had a bullying problem too. This jerkoff wouldn’t quit picking on me! It was always “Stevie likes dudes!” or “Stevie has a mental illness!” or even the simple “Stevie’s a douchebag!” Eventually, he got on my last nerve.
R: What did you do, pops?
S: Well, it’s more like what I didn’t do. The next day, conveniently enough, a lion got out of the zoo. Went right to the kid’s door and mauled him. Honestly, it was pretty disturbing, but he never bothered me anymore.
S: Yeah….but, hey! I’m sure things will work themselves out! Just stay strong and don’t commit any felonies. You don’t to end up like your old man, do you?
R: F*$% NO!
S: That’s my boy. It’s like my brother Curtis always said: “I’ll take the breathalyzer test if you can hold my beer.” Well, “said.” Human spontaneous combustion took him away.
R: Um…….ok? Thanks.
S: Anytime, soul brother! Catch you on the flip side!
R: Ok, whatever. Bye. *leaves*
R: Why can’t I have a normal family?
?: *enters* You can have anything you want, kid?
R: Who are you?
?: Well, everyone just calls me…………The Boss.
R: That’s dumb.
The Boss: It’s not dumb. It’s a title of respect and power!
R: No, it’s dumb.
TB: Ok, why is it dumb?
R: I don’t know. It’s just dumb.
TB: Whatever. Anyways, I’m the leader of a secret clan, if you will, of many important people known as the Bottle-Nosed Dolphin Organization.
R: Uh……..it’s really not secret, since you just kinda told me about it.
TB: NO ONE QUESTIONS THE BOSS!!!
R: I did.
TB: SHUT UP! This is exactly why I didn’t have children. If you’re the future, then humanity’s history. *drum fill after a joke*
R: Wow. Where’d you get the drums?
TB: With money, you blasted fool! You can have it too, if you join the BNDO.
R: What’s that?
TB: *smacks forehead* A secret organization. You want in or not?
R: I don’t know. I don’t like being put on the spot like this.
TB: Fair enough. Just remember, we’re not that far away. *evil laugh and exit*
R: Wow. Creepy.
Drew: Dude. We better get to steppin’, man. If I’m tardy, that’ll be my 5th tardy today.
Chris: It’s lunch. No one’s gonna care if we’re late.
Nathan: I’m hungry. Let’s just go.
Justin: Not now, Nate. We got to find Ronnie!
Tyler. Yeah, I need to “check” his homework for Science.
Andrew: Wow, when you say it like that, it’s not obvious. *sarcasm*
Ron: *enters* Hey guys.
R: Hey, I got to ask you guys something. You guys hear about a “Bottle-Nosed Dolphin Organization?
Justin: F&%$ no, man.
Drew: You know, I think I read about it once……
All: IN A BOOK!!!! *group high five*
Ron: Wow. That was productive. *sarcasm*
Chris: That’s what she said! *group laughter*
Ron: Ok. Screw it. I’m outta here. *leaves*
Teacher: ….and that’s why the Union won the Civil War.
Teacher: No, not because of donuts, Kevin. Though they are delicious. *laughs*
Teacher: Ahem. Anyways, read Chapter 10 for tonight. *leaves*
Jeff Danger: *stands on desk* Look. I can fly! *falls on floor*
Ron: *stares at Tangela while a montage of her uber hotness plays in his mind*
Ron: *snaps out of dream* AH! Oh, hey Tangela.
Tangela: Um…….I noticed you were staring at me.
Ron. Oh…….well, um………I wasn’t.
Tangela: Ok then. Well, what were you staring at?
Ron. Well, you see Tangela, I saw the Yeti outside the window, and I thought it would be extremely important for me to catch a glimpse of it.
Yeti: Hey, this is your problem, man. *leaves*
Tangela: Well, hey Ron. I gotta go. I’ll talk to you later.
Ron: Alright, bye Tangela. *long pause* I love you.
Tangela: What was that?
Ron: Oh, um…..I said, I…..loathe you.
Ron: Yeah. Go jump off a cliff.
Tangela: YOU ARE A TERRIBLE PERSON!!!!!! *runs away crying*
Jeff Danger: Wowzer, my brother. That was 35 kinds of EXTREME!!!!
Ron: Not now Jeff. I’m really not in the mood.
Ron: *punches Kevin* Let’s just go. *leaves*
LOCKERS AT SCHOOL!!!!
J: What’s up, dude?
R: Not a whole lot, man. Just got done with History class. Getting ready to head home.
J: Sweet, sweet. I like that. I’m getting ready to do the same, man.
R: Wait, you don’t have a car do you?
J: Naw. My family doesn’t like vehicles. Or electricity, for that matter. It’s really weird.
R: Yeah, that sucks, dude. Electricity is great, man. You know what runs off electricity? Blenders. Microwaves. Egg beaters!
J: Ron, you realize everything that you’re referring to is kitchen appliances, right?
R: Shut up. My point is that you need to get electricity!
J: I can’t.
R: Why not?
J: Because, I just can’t ok?! Leave me alone!
R: What has gotten into you?
J: I don’t know anymore. *leaves*
Ron: *narrating* I wasn’t sure what to think about anything. The girl I loved rejected me, my best friend hated me, I received an offer to join a secret organization I knew nothing about, and none of my other friends understood me. I was in a no-win situation, seemingly. My life seemingly started spiraling out of control. But I didn’t realize things could get worse. Much worse.
More to be added later.
Greetings, and welcome to my blog. I am the main person who operates this blog. Ok, I'm the only person who operates this blog. But I was trying to sound professional. Anyways, this blog's really about nothing. Just my thoughts on whatever comes to my mind. Hope it doesn't suck. Haha.
Peace and love.
Peace and love.