Want to know more about me?!

My photo
Back in 1974, corruption and lies were running rampant in the streets. To put an end to this corruption, one man was put in charge of the team that was given this job. That man is of no relation to me.

Mission Statement

Greetings, and welcome to my blog. I am the main person who operates this blog. Ok, I'm the only person who operates this blog. But I was trying to sound professional. Anyways, this blog's really about nothing. Just my thoughts on whatever comes to my mind. Hope it doesn't suck. Haha.

Peace and love.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

The Beginning of Tales Of Misfortune

Greetings, everybody. So, for those of you who don't know, I've been working on....well, what I can best describe as a "soap opera parody" known as Tales of Misfortune, which is what I chose to name this blog. And, well, it's far from complete. Haha. But I figured I would share the first part of the script with you. So hopefully it doesn't suck.


Tales of Misfortune!!!
Part One: The Only Thing Better Than a Fish Is A School of Fish

Scene: Ron decides to talk to his father, Steven, about a problem. Flashback!!!

Ron: Hey dad.
Steven: Who the he*% are you?
R: Your son, Ron. You know, the kid who came out of YOUR WIFE!!!
S: Oh, I remember. Here’s 10 dollars for staying out of sight. *hands over money*
R: Well, I appreciate it, dad, but I don’t want your money.
S: And they call me the alcoholic.
R: You know, this is why I don’t ever talk to you! All you care about is beer and women!
S: Now son, that statement is about 73% true. I also care about the starving children in Macedonia and NASCAR.
R: Ok, whatever dude. So, can I talk to you or what?
S: Well, all you had to do was ask! Grab a beer and sit down.
R: Dad, I’m 7.
S: It’s never too early to try something new, Ronnie! Now, what’s the dilly-o?
R: Dad, you’re not a gangster. You work on a farm. You drive a tractor everywhere. Our yard is covered in vegetables!!!
S: Always have to criticize me, don’tcha, kid?!
R: OK, FINE!!!! I’m sorry. Anyways, there’s this kid at school who always picks on me and bullies me around.
S: *cuts him off* Shoot him.
R: Dad!
S: Oh, come on! Like you weren’t thinking the same thing! You see, when I was your age, I had a bullying problem too. This jerkoff wouldn’t quit picking on me! It was always “Stevie likes dudes!” or “Stevie has a mental illness!” or even the simple “Stevie’s a douchebag!” Eventually, he got on my last nerve.
R: What did you do, pops?
S: Well, it’s more like what I didn’t do. The next day, conveniently enough, a lion got out of the zoo. Went right to the kid’s door and mauled him. Honestly, it was pretty disturbing, but he never bothered me anymore.
R: *silence*
S: Yeah….but, hey! I’m sure things will work themselves out! Just stay strong and don’t commit any felonies. You don’t to end up like your old man, do you?
R: F*$% NO!
S: That’s my boy. It’s like my brother Curtis always said: “I’ll take the breathalyzer test if you can hold my beer.” Well, “said.” Human spontaneous combustion took him away.
R: Um…….ok? Thanks.
S: Anytime, soul brother! Catch you on the flip side!
R: Ok, whatever. Bye. *leaves*

TO NOW!!!!

R: Why can’t I have a normal family?
?: *enters* You can have anything you want, kid?
R: Who are you?
?: Well, everyone just calls me…………The Boss.
R: That’s dumb.
The Boss: It’s not dumb. It’s a title of respect and power!
R: No, it’s dumb.
TB: Ok, why is it dumb?
R: I don’t know. It’s just dumb.
TB: Whatever. Anyways, I’m the leader of a secret clan, if you will, of many important people known as the Bottle-Nosed Dolphin Organization.
R: Uh……..it’s really not secret, since you just kinda told me about it.
R: I did.
TB: SHUT UP! This is exactly why I didn’t have children. If you’re the future, then humanity’s history. *drum fill after a joke*
R: Wow. Where’d you get the drums?
TB: With money, you blasted fool! You can have it too, if you join the BNDO.
R: What’s that?
TB: *smacks forehead* A secret organization. You want in or not?
R: I don’t know. I don’t like being put on the spot like this.
TB: Fair enough. Just remember, we’re not that far away. *evil laugh and exit*
R: Wow. Creepy.


*bell rings*
Drew: Dude. We better get to steppin’, man. If I’m tardy, that’ll be my 5th tardy today.
Chris: It’s lunch. No one’s gonna care if we’re late.
Nathan: I’m hungry. Let’s just go.
Justin: Not now, Nate. We got to find Ronnie!
Tyler. Yeah, I need to “check” his homework for Science.
Andrew: Wow, when you say it like that, it’s not obvious. *sarcasm*
Ron: *enters* Hey guys.
All: RONNIE!!!!
R: Hey, I got to ask you guys something. You guys hear about a “Bottle-Nosed Dolphin Organization?
Justin: F&%$ no, man.
Drew: You know, I think I read about it once……
All: IN A BOOK!!!! *group high five*
Ron: Wow. That was productive. *sarcasm*
Chris: That’s what she said! *group laughter*
Ron: Ok. Screw it. I’m outta here. *leaves*


Teacher: ….and that’s why the Union won the Civil War.
Kevin: DONUTS!!!!
Teacher: No, not because of donuts, Kevin. Though they are delicious. *laughs*
Teacher: Ahem. Anyways, read Chapter 10 for tonight. *leaves*
Jeff Danger: *stands on desk* Look. I can fly! *falls on floor*
*class laughter*
Ron: *stares at Tangela while a montage of her uber hotness plays in his mind*
Tangela: Ron……..Ron……..RON!!!!
Ron: *snaps out of dream* AH! Oh, hey Tangela.
Tangela: Um…….I noticed you were staring at me.
Ron. Oh…….well, um………I wasn’t.
Tangela: Ok then. Well, what were you staring at?
Ron. Well, you see Tangela, I saw the Yeti outside the window, and I thought it would be extremely important for me to catch a glimpse of it.
Yeti: Hey, this is your problem, man. *leaves*
*bell rings*
Tangela: Well, hey Ron. I gotta go. I’ll talk to you later.
Ron: Alright, bye Tangela. *long pause* I love you.
Tangela: What was that?
Ron: Oh, um…..I said, I…..loathe you.
Tangela: Really?
Ron: Yeah. Go jump off a cliff.
Tangela: YOU ARE A TERRIBLE PERSON!!!!!! *runs away crying*
Jeff Danger: Wowzer, my brother. That was 35 kinds of EXTREME!!!!
Ron: Not now Jeff. I’m really not in the mood.
Kevin: GIZMO!!!!
Ron: *punches Kevin* Let’s just go. *leaves*


Ron: Jeremiah!!!!
Jeremiah: Ron!!!!
*secret handshake*
J: What’s up, dude?
R: Not a whole lot, man. Just got done with History class. Getting ready to head home.
J: Sweet, sweet. I like that. I’m getting ready to do the same, man.
R: Wait, you don’t have a car do you?
J: Naw. My family doesn’t like vehicles. Or electricity, for that matter. It’s really weird.
R: Yeah, that sucks, dude. Electricity is great, man. You know what runs off electricity? Blenders. Microwaves. Egg beaters!
J: Ron, you realize everything that you’re referring to is kitchen appliances, right?
R: Shut up. My point is that you need to get electricity!
J: I can’t.
R: Why not?
J: Because, I just can’t ok?! Leave me alone!
R: What has gotten into you?
J: I don’t know anymore. *leaves*

Ron: *narrating* I wasn’t sure what to think about anything. The girl I loved rejected me, my best friend hated me, I received an offer to join a secret organization I knew nothing about, and none of my other friends understood me. I was in a no-win situation, seemingly. My life seemingly started spiraling out of control. But I didn’t realize things could get worse. Much worse.

More to be added later.

Much love.


Wednesday, July 29, 2009

At School?

Ok, so about 10 seconds ago, I blogged about not being able to think of anything to blog about.

I have found something. Boom!

So, for those of you who know me (and the vast majority of you who are reading this do, if not all of you), I graduated from my high school, Northfield, in May of this year. My Senior year was, quite frankly, amazing. I couldn't have asked for a better year, really. Everything went as well as it could have, and I won't forget it any time soon. However, I've been sort of facing this silly debate, if you will. Even before I graduated, I was wondering to myself, "Should I stop by my old high school occasionally to see everybody?" Because oddly enough, the vast majority of my friends are younger than me. For a period of time, I was undecided on whether I would do so or not.

On one end, I would get to see a lot of my friends, which is cool. On the other end, I have no reason to go back, really. I could see most of my friends whenever I wanted to, and the diploma I received represents the fact that I'm freed from the so-called prison known as high school. It'd be kinda like a convict who just got released from prison deciding to go back and visit his former prison. Makes no sense, right?

So, I've reached this conclusion: if I want to see my friends, I can see them pretty much anytime I want to. There's no need for me to return to my high school. I don't know most of the people there and I have no desire to go back to my former establishment of learning. I'm not about the past, I'm about the future.

Reach for the stars.



Greetings, children. Welcome back. I realize that I haven't blogged in a couple of days, and frankly, I don't care. I'm okay with that. It's whatever. I'm not that attached to my blog that I feel the need to blog every single day. Amirite?

In reality, the main problem I've found in making this blog is that it's hard to think of things to blog about, in all honesty. No motivation, if you will. Nothing I feel the need to share with the world of cyberspace, at least that I can think of off of the top of my head. As one of my favorite bands, Oasis, once said, "I can't get a life if my heart's not in it." That quote really doesn't apply here, but that's besides the point.

Who knows, really? Maybe something will happen so mind-boggling, so eventful, and so monumental that I'll feel the need to share my opinion on it with all of you.

Look at me. Saying "all of you," like I'm some famous blogger or somethin'.

Anyways, I hope that I'll find something interesting to me for me to blog about. After all, I just blogged about not being able to blog.

Like Kevin Garnett, "anything is possible!"



Sunday, July 26, 2009

The Lexicon of Love

As I type this blog, I realize that love is a rather difficult topic to discuss. Frankly, it's nearly impossible. Love has been compared to everything from a battlefield to a journey to suicide. Yeah, love's quite complicated. It's hard to explain. The simple answer to questions involving love is "when you're in love, you'll know it." And, to some extent, that's pretty true. When you love somebody, you'll know it. It just happens.

Frankly, I haven't had the greatest luck with that. I don't have a girl to give me "that little wink every now and then," as Bowflex's Brian Alvarez has. Asshole.

It seems in recent cases with love, I either A) Screw it up in some spectacular fashion, B) have feelings for a girl that they do not have, or C) The girl has feelings for me that I don't have for them. Not to say that all of the girls I've liked are horrible. I've liked some great girls and dated some great girls, but as I sit here as a single man, I think about all of my previous encounters with love, and some have been like watching The Notebook. Others have been like the extra features on a DVD of Blind Date's 1st season.

But, as Rascal Flatts said, "others who broke my heart, they were like Northern stars."

Rascal Flatts sucks.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Follow Me To Freedom!

Ok, I'm going to be absolutely upfront here: at first, I thought that Twitter was a horrendous idea. I didn't see any redeeming qualities about it in any way, shape, or form. It pretty much seemed like Myspace, minus everything that makes Myspace redeemable. And all that's left is status updates. Reluctantly, I chose to become a member of the Twitter revolution. Mainly because of the fact I thought it was ridiculous and would be fun to do as a joke.

Then, my life got flipped, turned upside down.

I made a couple of ridiculous "tweets," as I learned a status update on Twitter is referred to, and then all of a sudden, a few of my buddies got Twitter accounts, and the fun began. Then, my good friend Drew told me the best part about Twitter: you can update with text messaging.

My mind was blown.

Not that it mattered to me, considering I don't have a phone, but still, it was pretty cool.

So now, Twitter is one of my freakishly most visited webpages. Funny how things work out, eh? I guess there's this perverse joy to be gotten from following celebrities or something. Because Twitter has gotten pretty popular. Haha. In all honesty, who cares that Tila Tequila is ironing a shirt of hers at 5:54 in the morning?

Me, that's who.


Strength Training With A Bowflex Home Gym

Ok, this blog is going to get incredibly interesting, methinks. I'd like to take a moment of your time to discuss the Bowflex home gym.

Now, as a.......erm, "larger" male, it seems like I see a substantial amount of commercials talking about diet pills, Jenny Craig, home gyms, work out videos, or some odd combination of any of the 4 previously mentioned topics. However, the commercials that seem to chap my ass (pardon my language) are the commercials for the Bowflex home gym. Well, in particular, one commercial.

For those who don't know, the man's name is Brian Alvarez. And well, I'll just allow this video here to explain why this guy is quite a douche. Around 1:44 is the quote that makes him famous (or infamous, in this case):

So, you gave all of your clothes to your fat friends, eh? Huh. Honestly, I'm not offended or anything by that quote. In fact, it's kinda funny, really. But the fact that Bowflex would even allow that quote to make a commercial of theirs also makes them look pretty dickish as well, doesn't it? Also, there's another quote in there where he's like "my wife gives me that little wink every now and then...." and that damn laugh he does afterwards makes me just want to deliver a fist right to his suckhole. Ok, maybe not. Haha. But it is kinda smug and makes him look like an enormous douche.

If only he were modest like Michael Polinko:

I don't know. Maybe I'm just bitter because girls don't give me that little wink. Or maybe I'm bitter because the man gave me a t-shirt recently. Whatever. Rant over. :D


The First Blog!

So, this is my first blog on here. Not really sure what to do here. Not gonna lie. I know that I'm supposed to share my thoughts on a random subject of my choosing, and people read it (hopefully). But, as for what I'm supposed to say, I'm at a loss.

I shall resort to rambling.

There are many things that I don't quite understand about just......I don't know. Life in general. But life is a highway, and I wanna drive it all night long. Ok, I stole that from a song. But to paraphrase a quote from Lincoln Osiris in Tropic Thunder, just 'cuz it's song lyrics don't mean it ain't true.

This blog is not going to have any set topic. At all. Ok? Mmmmkay. It's pretty much a place for me to share my thoughts on life in general. No topic is off limits for me. Because I am effing crazy. Maybe not, but regardless, this is a blog that could potential either bore you to tears, or amuse you to death. Consider my blog like a train, and you, the readers, are the passengers. Except this is a free train ride, and you aren't gonna NOT take a free train ride, are ya?! Exactly.

This blog really serves no purpose, except to just introduce you to the way my mind works, if you will. So, grab your tickets and lets ride this train. In a purely nonsexual way, of course.


Stay sweet.